Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Jaws: The Revenge. - I like it. Yep I went there.

I cannot believe I have held off from discussing this masterpiece for so long...I love the shit out of Jaws: The Revenge. It is just so damn funny. I know it was trying to bring the Brody family back together but you are missing one integral part, CHIEF FUCKING BRODY. It is hinted he died of a heart attack because of the fear of sharks, or some dribble that is along those lines. Here we have Sean Brody, all grown up and yes he is a police deputy on Amity Island. He has to go remove a huge log from a buoy aaaaaaaaand cue up the music. Yes you guessed it, Sean gets his arm chomped off and dragged under the water, and yes he is dead. Obviously old painful memories come flooding back to Ellen Brody, so she needs to get away from Amity Island and decides to stay with her son in the Bahamas. If this was me I would avoid all things to do with water, but if she did that we wouldn't have this magnificent film. But this is where the part of the film gets really good...the shark just happens to have followed Ellen Brody to the Bahamas. Crazy plot hey? Ellen's older son Mike is a marine biologist along with his pal Jake, and they discover there is a great white shark where they are doing their study on sea snails. As you can imagine shit is about to get very real. 

What I think is so damn hilarious about this film is that all the actors are playing it dead straight, it is so funny you would think it is a parody. I have such a soft spot for this film because it has a bit of charm about it. Sure the acting is terrible, and the special FX are just bad at the end, and the story line is just ridiculous, but you can see they were trying their hardest to work with what they had. And I have to give all the cast of the film, their effort for trying. This has been slammed time and time again by critics and movie viewers alike, which I can definitely understand. But at the same time there are some likeable qualities.

We all know what the most redeeming quality about this film was; Michael Caine. I am actually surprised he was in this film, but word on the street is, is that he got paid pretty damn well. If I got offered a lot of money to be in a film which was more than likely going to be a flop, then I would totally star in it too. I like his character because he is the only one besides the character of Jake, who is very light hearted. Sure he tries to hit on Ellen Brody, but who could resist his charms. He is British for gods sake. I just think having him in this film, really saved it for me, I mean sure I would have still found a lot of the film to be hilariously bad...but I don't think I would have been so keen to watch it the several hundred times that I have...Oh man I feel the judging starting now...

I remember renting this with my older brother, I was probably about eleven at the time, and at age eleven I thought this was a real serious film. Years had gone past and I hadn't seen it for a second time...Until 2008 came along. I bought it for thirty four bucks...yep don't judge me okay! I went home and watched it and laughed my ass off all the way through. Needless to say it was totally worth that thirty four bucks. I think if you are an average film viewer and 'shlocky' and just in general Z grade masterpieces don't do it for you, you won't like this film, unless you don't take it seriously. I cannot hate this film. The original Jaws is my favourite film, that is flawless. Jaws: The revenge is not. But I don't hate the director for trying to put his stamp on the franchise. I will never be able to hate this film because of the countless hours of entertainment that it has given me. 

I am not going to lie to you guys, the shark does look quite fake in this instalment to the Jaws franchise. It just looks like it was slapped together very quickly from the original mould from the first Jaws film. I have to give them props for trying, but it just looks bad. Whenever I see the shark on screen I just laugh. Not just because it looks fake, but also the movement of the shark looks like extremely stiff mechanical work. I will show you a quick clip from the original cut of the film where Jake gets taken by the shark and later dies. The movement of the shark is just stiff, especially when he has Jake in his mouth and is trying to get him back down into the water. As much as scene possesses a lot of crap quality to it, I just think it is funny all the same. I also don't think a shark can 'stand' up like that against a boat. It was standing like a dog would on it's hind legs, it's just BAD!



Now there is a scene that I need to show you from the film, so you understand fully why I have a huge soft spot for this film. Below is the original ending to the film, and you get to see the shark roar...Now I will just throw this out there and say I am pretty sure sharks can't roar. It's definitely a great monster moment. I love seeing the shark harpooned and then blood is just seeping from it's mouth. Maybe that scene was meant to be payback and a homage for what we see happen to Quint in the first Jaws film. Is it worrying that I have actually thought that much into the film?


You cannot get mad at this film for giving it the old college try. If it doesn't make you scared or put you on the edge of your seat, it is guaranteed to do one thing, make you laugh your ass off. I think if I just separate it from the first two Jaws movies, I can appreciate it more. And Jaws 3-D doesn't count...I don't know what that film was trying to do, but all I can say is it is definitely something you need to watch when you are drunk with a few of your buddies. If you are after fun, then fun is what you will get with Jaws the Revenge. I decided to do a quick review of Jaws: The Revenge, not just because I like it. But because I think it would be awesome if more people saw it, and didn't listen to the morons trolling on the Internet. I think it's great entertainment, so why should any of you miss out on that? Take my word for it, watch it, sober, high or drunk, it doesn't matter because either way, you will laugh your ass off. If you don't I am pretty sure I would vomit in my mouth in sheer disgust with you...don't put me through that. 

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